The beginning and the end are taken (badum-tshh) from the cheesiest of teen movies and the rest of the film is just a little bit pointless. It's like a geriatric Bourne crossed with that Harrison Ford film where he loses his wife. Not The Fugitive the one set in Paris which I can't be bothered to look up. You know the one. It was pretty rubbish but waaaay better than this crap.
If, like me, you grew up on a diet of Doug McClure movies then chances are you'll enjoy this.
Batman and Perseus team up to rescue Chekov from Bellatrix LeStrange.
30 Days of Night
Interesting that such a good premise can be made into such a bad film. Buy the comic instead and then at least you've got Templesmith's beautiful art to look at. In fact scratch that, buy Warren Ellis' 'Fell' because then you've got Templesmith's art and Ellis' fab story and there's no stupid vampires.
I was expecting nothing from this but ended up quite enjoying myself. Yes it's big and silly and at no point does it take itself too seriously and instead just gets on with being a movie about a big guy with a hammer hitting things.
28 Weeks Later
99 minutes later I realised I'd eaten my own spleen out of sheer boredom.
2019: After the Fall of New York
A lone figure stares ruefully over a ruined (plastic model of) New York, he raises a trumpet to his lips and starts playing a, well, he starts playing a synthesizer actually because no trumpet in the world ever made that sound. A long slow pan accompanied by a scene setting voice over allows you ample opportunity to view the artistry involved in making a set quite so badly. Basic plot outline of 'Euraq has conquered America but as a result of the weapons used no one is giving birth anymore. The remaining inhabitants of NY are being rounded up and used in terrible experiments by the nasty horse riding Europeans. Hidden somewhere in the city though is the last fertile female on the planet and there's only one blah blah blah'. There're midgets, apemen, knights in armour, gouged eyes, car-jousting, exploding heads, cyborgs, mad professors and a girl in suspended animation. Everything you could ever want from a movie (with the notable exception of zombies) is here in spades. Italian 'apocalypse' cinema at its cheapest and at its finest.